One Year Ago / Vanessa

One year ago, I read a post on Facebook. It was from one of the most vivacious, beautiful and fun 20 something year olds I have known. She needed a ride home and posted her request on fb. I had this nudge inside of me...."reply Marian...you don't need to pick up your son from school for a couple of hours" Then all of the reasons why not..."She wouldn't want to go with you...you're old enough to be her mom...one of her friends will respond..she will be ok." Then that nudge again..."Just let her know you are there if she needs you" ...then the other voice..."She probably already has someone to take her home."

I left it at that... then, just a day later...I got the most horrific phone call. Nessa was found dead. The person who picked her up was a "user"... This sweet girl was in recovery and struggling and the person who picked her up was a dealer/user. She didn't go home. She went to his place. She had been down...that is the only reason I can think of when I wonder "why" she relapsed that day. She was given opana. A morphine type of drug. There are many side effects. She couldn't breathe. She was dying. The boy who brought her and gave her these drugs had just been in jail for dealing drugs. He was afraid to call the police or paramedics. So he let her die. He let her die.

Her father frantically tried to find her. She didn't come home. She didn't return calls. No one knew where she was. He received a call the following day. She had died the day before.

This is my memory of what happened. The timing and some of the facts might be a little wrong, but it is the way I remember what happened. Just a year ago.

We will be having a memorial this next Friday, June 17th at theeffect Recovery Church at 7 pm, for this sweet girl that we lost one year ago. Her name is Vanessa Corielle Porter.

It still haunts me that I didn't offer her a ride. I still don't know if she would have accepted from me....but I wish I had tried. I will from now on...I will watch for people who need me..need someone to help them. Vanessa opened my eyes to how we are all connected...how God nudged me that day...how much this loss has affected me and so many others. How we still can not accept that this young life was taken at such a young age. We are all still grasping for answers. Praying for peace. Hoping for justice. Missing her smile, laughter and presence.

We will always remember Vanessa...we will see her again one day. Whatever she was struggling with is not an issue anymore. She is in the arms of God...at peace...waiting for her friends and family.

Answer the nudges...listen for God's voice...take no one for granted....know that everyone God puts on your path is there for a reason...there are no coincidences with God...we are spiritual beings...all intertwined...and connected to our God. Love everyone..that is all God really asks of us...love everyone.

For you Vanessa, I will....I will try harder.

Love to all....You are children of God and so truly and unconditionally loved.. Yes, you are..no matter what you have been through in your life...please grasp that and know that and be free with that...let this truth truly set you free.

My heart and prayers go out to Vernon and his family as I am sure they are still grieving the loss of this beautiful child. Although she is in the arms of her Father in heaven, a huge loss is still felt here at home for so many.

Blessings!